I remember my very first online date like it was yesterday. Ok, I don’t actually remember it all THAT well, but the highlights were definitely enough to keep me from trying it again for a long time! This was back when I was living in Texas, and one of my friends introduced me to OkCupid. He liked the questions feature, and wanted to see how much of a match we were. We’d been friends for a long time, so I let him convince me to join.
This was also back in the day when I had time, and was more amenable to chatting online. I met this guy online and we chatted for a few days, and we seemed to have a few common interests. He also looked relatively cute, well muscled, and not too creepy in his photos. Photos sure can be deceiving!
I agreed to meet up at a coffee shop in town (Austin that is). I no longer remember which one – but I seem to recall that it had really good deserts. I was early – no surprise there – and I was nervous, having never done this kind of thing before. He was late – and I’m fairly sure his photos were photo-shopped. Instead of this lean, well muscled 20 something, I got a pimply, scrawny, in need of a shower and probably lives in his mother’s basement reprobate. But the entertainment doesn’t end there!
Have you ever talked to someone that has just recently gotten out of a cult? You get to hear all about the cult, and how great it was. Thankfully that was followed by how bad it was, and how happy he was to be out. I’m just glad he wasn’t trying to recruit me! The primary focus of this particular “cult” was also exciting! Apparently he had been in a sex cult for the past year – and so I got to spend 3 hours listening to how fantastic he was in bed, and how much endurance he had. This is –just- what you want to hear on a first date!
I did finally manage to extricate myself – it took some doing. Back in those days I wasn’t as confident about just telling people what was and wasn’t ok.
Four things I’ve learned from that, (and subsequent) experiences:
Don’t just rely on the pictures – go with your gut
If it feels creepy, it is. Leave.
If a guy mentions sex in the first five online messages – you probably don’t want to go out with him. (Unless of course you’re just looking for sex.)
If a guy can only talk about his junk, then he’s not interesting enough to warrant a second date.